Like my grandmother now, I save teabags for a second
cup. String, stamps without postmarks, aluminum foil.
Wrapping paper, paper bags, bags of scrap fabric,
blue rubber bands, clothes hangers. I save newspaper
clippings, recipes, bits of yarn, photographs in
shoeboxes, tins of buttons. I save cancelled checks,
instruction manuals, warranties for appliances
long since thrown away. Feathers, shells, pebbles,
acorns.
(From “What I Save,” by Cheryl Savageau, In: Dirt Road Home, 1995)
Like many of you, I save things, but it’s not string, stamps or tins of buttons I keep. It’s mementos from the past, old notebooks filled with writing, prints and paintings, and books—lots and lots of books—all things I love. Don’t get me wrong, my house is neat, but the walls are covered in artwork, books. What isn’t displayed or used is stored in the multiple boxes occupying the garage shelves. Here’s the embarrassing truth: I hadn’t realized just how much I’d accumulated until last week, when the painters arrived to applying a fresh paint and color on several of our interior walls. It meant everything had to be removed from walls, shelves and desktops.. Small towers of my favorite belongings formed and stood on the floors of the two rooms not being re-painted. As the house felt more “undone,” so did I. Worse, another heat wave arrived, making it nearly intolerable to be inside or out. My mind felt as cluttered as my house had become.
“I’m held hostage by heat and household repairs,” I complained to my husband. He shrugged his shoulders and sighed. There was little to do but endure; he was much less bothered by the temporary upheaval. But surprisingly, once the walls were painted, I held back, hesitating to return the rooms to their prior state. I hung fewer pictures; began to list the books to donate to the library or give away. I even resisted sending another box out to the garage, realizing how our garage storage masks our years of household accumulation. “Putting things away,” Marie Kondo writes in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, (Ten Speed Press, 2014) “creates the illusion that the clutter problem has been solved.”
John and I began downsizing our living space a few years ago, but we haven’t been as successful in downsizing our lives, not really. Now that he has retired, we’re faced with a significant shift in lifestyle, and I am much more aware of what “letting go” means. Beloved things or not, I simply have too much stuff.
This week, I’ve begun a task that will take several weeks, a process of tidying up. This is no casual process of dusting and straightening. It’s a change of life and habit. Acknowledging a life change is not without its emotional challenges. I know I will be tempted time and again to hang onto things I’ve loved, yet no longer have a place or a purpose in my daily life. Kondo writes, “Tidying is just a tool, not the final destination.” My final destination is a change of habit and lifestyle.
Yesterday a postcard arrived from the nonprofit, AMVETS, seeking household donations for veterans’ assistance. “We will be in your neighborhood next week,” it stated. “Call to schedule a pick-up.” Perfect timing. I’ll be donating goods more than once to nonprofit organizations over the coming weeks. Tidying up will take time; clearing out old, unused items is often about overcoming the urge to hang onto them. “But I might use that next year…” It also triggers reminiscence and discovery. “Remember when she drew this picture in first grade?” or “I’ve wondered where this went…”
Even if it keeps you up all night,
wash down the walls and scrub the floor
of your study before composing a syllable.
Clean the place as if the pope were on his way.
Spotlessness is the niece of inspiration.
(From: “Advice to Writers,” by Billy Collins, In: The Apple That Astonished Paris, 1988)
I’m taking Collins’ advice. I’m tidying up, because I know it’s also a process of preparing to write a new life chapter. It will require a lot of letting go, making necessary changes or difficult choices as we age, experience loss, illness, or a change in circumstance. Every week, I hear evidence of those difficult life choices in my writing groups. This kind of tidying up is not easy.
But remember: as our lives change, the story we tell about ourselves changes too. Clinging to a past that no longer applies to our present only seeds regret. Letting go is a necessary process, like tidying up, choosing what to discard, what to retain and what to carry as we discover the new possibilities our lives now.
So to you, Friend, I confide my secret:
to be a discoverer you hold close whatever
you find, and after a while you decide
what it is. Then, secure in where you have been,
you turn to the open sea and let go
(From: “Security,” by William Stafford, In: Passswords, 1991)
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Writing Suggestion: This week, write about holding on and letting go, about cleaning out the old to embrace the new, about new beginnings that could alter the story of your life you’ve told before.
Thank you Barbara!
Coincidence! I wrote something earlier in the week about letting go/giving up. How it be a positive (Let go of your anger.) and a negative (Don’t give up hope!) Both phrases are about opening your hand…loosening your grip…or is that losing your grip? ha…ha.
It says “Respond to this post by replying above this line†but I just hit “Reply†so hope you get this. It’s a bit confusing.
Hello Sharon. Every so often when you write personal things I’m just blown away by how similar our lives are. We must be about the same age; I’ll be 71 in December. I live in an apartment and I’ve just been through some major decluttering, rethinking what I value. It all started about a year ago. It feels necessary to prepare for the next stage of life, simpler, more manageable, paring down to those things I really love. But I still have floor to ceiling art, because besides writing, I paint, collect my friend’s work, and still have a ton of stuff even though I’ve sold some things. But no more art wrapped up and in storage. That was my goal. Either it’s coming inside or it’s going. So little by little I’ve whittled away at this seemingly endless process a year already, and not yet over. I’ve done a flea market (by myself), brought small furniture and artwork to consignment shops, donated bags of books to a senior center that sells them for a dollar or two to help with expenses. After that I had some walls and ceilings in my apartment painted (except for one room, my studio, where everything was stacked to the ceiling). My kitchen was totally redone, cabinets and drawers all have updated spiffy new doors and hinges (yeah!). After the apartment maintenance manager looked over everything (I’ve been here 20 years) it was decided my balcony needed replacing too and that will be done in November (hopefully before the rains begin!). It does have some rotting boards and I was going to put off asking about that with so much else to contend with but am glad now the condition was spotted. Let’s get the makeover ALL done this year.
Next week I’m off to Chicago for eight days to visit an old friend, and when I return I’ve scheduled the Salvation Army to pick up my old living room sofabed and wing chair. In the meantime, I purchased my first recliner, giving in to an aching, aging back, and continually fighting with sofa pillows on a footstool that kept sliding off whenever I shifted my position when trying to read. Love, love, love my La-z-boy Recliner Rocker! As you said, letting go is a necessary process. Clinging to a past that no longer applies or is meaningful is burdensome. My balcony was jammed full of pots, plant stands, railing planters, flowers everywhere. Not to mention a good sized table, two chairs, a chimnea, umbrella. But with the drought, and a warming climate (I’m in Marin County, north of San Francisco), trying to keep things alive in pots meant watering daily. And that started to bug me. I couldn’t go anywhere without asking a neighbor to water. For some reason this didn’t seem to be such an irritant until the last year. Going through cancer treatment and follow-up beginning in 2011, my garden was my friend, my solace, my respite.
But it seems I’ve been undergoing a transformation. Now I have a different need: freedom. Simplicity. Air and space to breathe. Surrounded only by things I love, things that make me happy. Nice things, not old and tattered things in need of repair – the “someday I’ll get to it†type that gets transferred from one To Do List to the next. Awaiting replacement, my balcony is now pared down to just a half dozen pots, most hanging on the railing. It’s open, spacious, and when I sit out in the evenings I feel my chest expand with joyous relief. My To Do list has diminished and I can focus on my new painting classes, getting back to writing. Whether or not I travel more, at least I no longer feel weighed down by having to arrange for the monstrous task of keeping my water-hungry jungle alive. Once the new balcony is in place, I can decide what feels right out there. For now, I’m liking the calm of its simplicity.
The “Advice to Writers†poem is right on. It IS easier to sit down to write in a clean, uncluttered space.
Thanks for your continuing posts. Wish you much joy – and energy – for your decluttering, downsizing transition. Looking forward to hearing more about your evolving self.
Darlene
Darlene, Wow…yes, we are of the same era (a recliner is beginning to look good too!) I so appreciate your comments, sharing your journey of decluttering, life changes. Simplicity is good, and I’m aiming for it.
Thank you,
Sharon
I just wrote about letting go/giving up. Why is one positive (“Let go of your anger.”) and one negative (You can’t give up now!”)? They are both about opening up/losing something…loosening your grip…losing your grip.
Hi Sharon – Tried to leave a comment but it got complicated with passwords et al Just wanted you to know that your post really resonated with me! Thanks. Barbara
Barbara Abercrombie
http://www.BarbaraAbercrombie.com http://www.The IntimidatedCook.com http://www.WritingTime.typepad.com
KICKING IN THE WALL New World Library 2013
A Year of Writing Dangerously: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement – Published by New World Library June 2012